


As You Wish

by TastesLikeCream



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Office, Body Worship, Butt Plugs, Desk Sex, Dirty Thoughts, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Female Bilbo, High Heels, Literal Butt Kissing, Office Sex, Pining, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sassy Bilbo Baggins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 15:42:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5169290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TastesLikeCream/pseuds/TastesLikeCream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dwalin gets a new assistant who is simply put adorable. It does not help that Thorin is determined to embarrass him and the endless sass she gives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As You Wish

The first time Dwalin meets his new assistant she is carrying a thing of coffees and smells strongly of peppermint. To put it simply Bilbo Baggins is adorable. Standing with her is Ori who rocks back and forth on his heels, grinning about something as Bilbo sips her coffee. In one hand is a load of coffees and in the other an armload of files looking ready to topple. There is a piece of hair hanging in her face and threatening to get in her eyes does she not continuously shake  her head.

“You’re fucked you know.” Thorin says dryly.

“Says the man hopelessly pining after a cheerful secretary.” Dwalin grumbles and it is enough to shut Thorin up.

And then Bilbo Baggins is walking stiffly towards him, extending the files and then the coffees. He barely hears her introduction, head swimming at the sharp smell of peppermint rolling off her.

The following become evident quickly: Bilbo is a petite woman who alternates between looking up at him and moving so quickly Dwalin struggles to keep up with her. She proves to be eager and happy to please in any way possible.

“Could I ask you something?” Dwalin asks after Bilbo drops his coffee off for the third night in a row.

“Yes of course.” Bilbo smiles at him.

“How come I’ve never seen you wear heels? Not that I dislike your shoes.”

“My mother forced me into heels once for my cousin Drogo’s wedding. I nearly stumbled down the aisle. I’ve only wore them once after that for my interview here.”

From the hallway there is a flurry of footsteps and then Ori is sticking his head through the open door. Plastered on his face is an eager grin as he waggles his eyebrows at Bilbo.

“Are you ready to go?” Ori asks and has a sing-song quality to his voice.

“I’m practically shaking with the excitement. Do you need anything else for today?”

Dwalin’s response is lost in his scalding sip of coffee which smells strongly of ginger and vanilla. Bilbo partly walks, is partly dragged from the office by Ori who chatters excitedly.

The next time Dwalin sees Bilbo, she is banging her head against a table. Ori sits across from her with a slightly wolfish grin. Both are oblivious to the fact eyebrows are being raised and heads turned. Besides him Thorin blinks and sips on his coffee loudly, grinning at him from behind the cup.

“You are fucked,” Thorin mutters. “I see that look on your face. You want to know but won’t go yourself. We’re in high school all over again except you’re missing the Mohawk.”

“I’m going to tell Bofur just how you feel.” Dwalin threatens as Bilbo lifts her head.

Her cheeks are flushed beet red, lower lip quivering in an effort to stop from laughing. Across from her Ori grins and then lets out a shriek of laughter.

“What’s so funny?” Dwalin asks, approaching the table.

“Oh...it’s nothing.” Bilbo says with a nervous grin.

“It’s nothing.” Ori agrees then snorts. He claps a hand over his mouth in a poor attempt to muffle his laughter. A mischievous gleam comes to his eyes as he grins at Bilba and she shoots him a look too late as he opens his mouth.

“It wouldn’t hurt to tell him Bilbo. Perhaps he could tell us the difference between a pretty butthole and an ugly butthole.”

Bilbo stands up sharply, grabbing Dwalin’s arm and steering him out of the room with a loud throat clear. Her cheeks are still flushed red though she smiles at him albeit stiffly.

“I forgot,” she mumbles. “You have something very urgent to do right now and needs to be away from this place immediately.”

“I’m scared to ask but what exactly was that conversation about? Is everything...I mean you’re not in trouble are you?”

“Care for some more coffee?”

“You give me so much coffee sometimes I wonder if you’re attempting to see how long I can go before I can crash.” He mumbles and tries not to take offense at Bilbo’s low chuckle.

“First time I’ve heard complaints.” Bilbo replies.

“Do you always come with so much sass?”

“Only for those deserving of it.”

Oh dear God were they flirting? Was this how adults flirted? It did not carry the same awkward and frantic ‘hurry before our friends see’ feeling in high school. Bilbo is still gripping his arm albeit softer as they approach his office.

“In answer to your question I bought a butt plug.

“You bought…”

“I bought a butt plug.”

“Well I’m sorry to say I cannot tell a pretty butthole from an ugly butthole.” Dwalin murmurs and Bilbo snorts loudly.

“The person in front of us was talking about buttholes and said what hers looked like. The cashier told her that she didn’t know what a pretty butthole looked like from an ugly one. I’d been wanting one for a while but I was too chicken to go on my own.”

“What a butt plug or a pretty butthole?”

“I don’t think buttholes were meant to be beautiful.”

In front of Dwalin’s office now, Bilbo drops her arms back down to her side. The flushed look has returned to her normal complexion. The smile on her face is an easy one as she jerks her head towards the door.

“You do have work to do.” She reminds him and with a pat to his chest walks back down the hallway.

* * *

 

In his office Dwalin finds himself unable to concentrate on his work. Laid before him are piles of paperwork in need of being done. His focus though is on his assistant and the words from earlier. There is nothing fancy or prepared for what happens next.

Dwalin locks the door, leaning back against it as he yanks his pants down. Grabbing his cock he gnaws the inside of his cheek. Running his hand up and down the length Dwalin braces his feet against the carpeted floor.

Did she use that plug after buying it? Laid out like a feast, twitching around her fingers like a concubine while that plug rested inside her? Was she thinking about him while she did it?

Would she rake her nails through his chest hair and enjoy the groans that she earned from him as he tossed his head back? Grab hold of his beard and tug as rode him? Gasp and whine with her head tilted back? As Dwalin pinched her nipples and Bilbo let out a shriek of pleasure would she come with her names on her lips?

It’s with that thought Dwalin pumps himself to completion with Bilbo's name on his lips, coating his hand and shirt in white. He lays there long after it’s dried, his chest heaving as he struggles to catch his breath. Eventually he rises, shedding his trousers as he makes his way for the extra clothes stashed in the file cabinet.

When he arrives to the office the next day it’s with the vow to be a gentleman and to make no mentions of yesterday. But Bilbo seems determined to break that vow as soon as he sets foot in his office. She’s there at his desk, bent over and muttering to herself. Wearing a deep blue dress he notes. The dress is skin tight, stopping at her mid-thigh. It gives him a view of her round bottom. No panties he notices, his throat going dry at the sight. Because there in the middle of the cheeks is the tapered end of something green. Dwalin closes the door loud enough to startle Bilbo who straightens up with a yelp.

“Oh, I’m so sorry Dwalin. I dropped something and.” Dwalin cuts her off with a growl.

“Cancel all my meetings and tell everyone that I’m not to be disturbed for the rest of the day.” He orders.

Bilbo manages a shallow nod and does as he asks, bending over once more and giving him a full view.

“No panties I see.” Dwalin says, pleasure curling in his gut as he notes the way that Bilbo looks at him guiltily.

“I like it better without anything in the way.” Bilba confesses and grabs the end of her dress, lifting it and giving him a full view. Dwalin growls as his cock gives an eager twitch. She’s been blessed with a round, pale bottom and the tapered end of the plug completes it all.

“Cellulite,” Dwalin says and strokes a calloused thumb over one of the areas. Beneath him Bilbo stiffens. “Lovely.” He praises and leans down, pressing a kiss to the cellulite.

“You haven’t even seen the rest of me.” Bilbo reminds him, giggling as his beard brushes the sensitive skin. Dwalin grabs her shoulders, turning her around to face him.

“Well then why don’t you let me see?” Dwalin whispers, leaning down and pressing his lips to hers. Their kiss is torn between frantic and unhurried as hands wander. Dwalin’s hands grab hold of fleshy thighs, giving them an experimental squeeze. He earns a nervous giggle from Bilbo whose own hands are wandering beneath his shirt.

“Ticklish.” He leans down to suck on her collar bone, stopping to hiss through clenched teeth as her short nails begin petting his chest hair. There’s a small hum from Bilbo who chuckles affectionately as she gives a tug on his beard.

“Not ticklish but sensitive are you? Is this the only part of you that’s sensitive or will you groan my name when I suck right here?” One her hands move from beneath her shirt to trace the curve of his neck.

“Not groan. I’ll throw you onto this desk and fuck you until you scream though.” Dwalin’s threat is met with a breathy sigh as Bilba wriggles closer to brush herself against the bulge in his trousers.

“Would you be so kind as to just fuck me on the desk and make me scream anyways?”

“As you wish Miss Baggins.” Dwalin lifts her up, hands giving her thighs a squeeze as he maneuvers her towards the desk. Her hands continue to wander, undoing buttons as Dwalin makes his way towards the desk. As for Dwalin he’s fumbling for a zipper only to be met with a sigh from Bilbo.

“In the middle of my back dearest.” Bilbo guides his hand helpfully, smirking as he grumbles. She wriggles out of the dress as much as she can in his arms, shooting him a pleading look. Dwalin obliges, peeling the dress off her completely to be met with the feverishly hot skin of Bilbo. Her shoes are abandoned on the floor as his hands resume their wandering. He finds her breasts, still confined by her bra but heavy as he cradles one in his hand. He hums appreciatively as he rolls a nipple slowly through the fabric, Bilbo's hips thrusting against his thigh.

“This is hardly fair.” Bilbo manages through her gasps, fumbling for the last button on his shirt.

“The bottom of my shirt.” Dwalin teases, undoing the final button.

Bilbo pouts but smiles as she slips the shirt off his shoulders, pulling him back down for a kiss. Their kisses are slower, less hurried now as their hands wander slowly. Dwalin pulls away to pepper wet kisses along her neck, a smirk spreading each time he’s met with a gasp or thrust against his thigh. Bilbo's hands scratch at his chest, feet planted on the edge of the desk.

Dwalin’s hands despite their size are quick in unclasping her bra and Bilbo groans as her nipples begin to pebble in the cool air of his office. Dwalin gives her a look that’s half pitying, half mischievous as he leans down, capturing one in his mouth. His tongue, wet and gentle on her nipple is a torture and exactly what she wants as her feet scramble for purchase. His free hand wanders to her other nipple, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger as she gasps, hands scratching desperately.

Dampness pools between Bilbo's legs, her body all too aware of the attention being lavished on it and She wants to beg Dwalin as he gives one of her nipples a long lick before returning to his sucking, free hand still kneading.

“Enough please. Enough before you kill me.” Bilba gasps. Dwalin chuckles against her breasts as he lifts his head, lips swollen beneath his beard.

“Before I kill you, hmm?” He leans up, giving her swollen lips a peck with his own before his hands reach for his zipper.

“Yes, before you kill me and have to explain to the police why your assistant is laying here naked with the biggest smile on her fact.” Dwalin’s palm runs down her belly, pausing above her pelvis.

“Do I need to do anything for you—I’ve got lube and things. Or if you prefer something else,” Bilba smirks at him as she plants her feet even more firmly on his desk.

“I’ve been ready since I walked into this office and saw you. A condom is all we need right now and then please for heaven’s sake get to it.” Bilba blushes, clapping a hand over her mouth as Dwalin reaches for his drawer.

“As you wish Miss Baggins.” Bilba lets out a sigh, shaking her head as Dwalin rolls a condom over himself. There’s a moment when he’s aligning himself that she reaches up, fingers linking through his.

“Hmm?” Dwalin’s questioning hum turns into a groan as the head of his cock slips inside her.

“My wish is that you fuck me senseless until I’ve no idea of who I am, what time or day it is. Until I’m begging you for my release, until every part of me aches, oh bugger.” Bilbo gasps as he slips in.

“I’ll give you your wish Bilbo. Don’t you worry.” Dwalin growls, his lips pressed against her thrumming jugular. There’s a moment of them just lying there, basking in the sensation of each other. Bilbo is warm, soft as Dwalin struggles not to move. Bilbo’s hands are at his back, massaging his shoulders and running up and down. Then there are her lips which keep slathering kisses atop his head, on his brow. All while whispering what a dear man he is.

“Move please before I die like this.” Bilbo begs and Dwalin sighs, pressing a final kiss to her neck as he gives a thrust that makes her gasp.

“You and your dying. Don’t worry Bilbo, you’re in excellent hands.” He gives another thrust earning a small groan from Bilbo whose hands quicken their pace, threatening to begin scratching at his skin as she lets out a breathy ‘yes’. They find a steady rhythm and the rooms soon filled with the sound of flesh smacking flesh and groans.

“I fucked my fist yesterday thinking of you.” Dwalin confesses after a particularly deep thrust that has her squealing, the heels of her feet digging into his back.

“Oh?” Bilbo gasps. “And just what was I doing while you fucked your fist?”

“I wondered if you were using that plug while you brought yourself to completion thinking about me. If you would grab my beard while you rode me. Of the delightful sounds you would make when you come with my name on your lips.” He lifts her hips up, giving a deep thrust that makes both of them groan.

“More.” Bilbo gasps. Dwalin obliges, pumping his hips desperately as their words turn into stuttered gasps and begs of please, more and right there. Beneath him Bilbo's arms scramble for something to hold onto, her eyes fluttering as she wraps her legs around his waist. She settles for his beard, giving it a tug as she lets out a squeal of Dwalin’s name. Dwalin’s hips stutter and he hurries to complete himself as Bilbo comes undone beneath him. His rhythm grows sloppy as he attempts to thrust deeper and deeper, earning gasps from Bilbo until finally his hips stutter and he buries his face into her breasts with a muffled cry.

They lay there after they’re done, sweaty and sated. Pants escape their lips, their eyes half lidded. Bilbo finally clears her throat, running a hand through her sweaty curls.

“So you’re a beard puller.” Dwalin mumbles, lifting his head from its resting place between her breasts.

“Just a little bit.”

“What else are you?” Dwalin asks.

“I’m sassy and currently soaked with sweat.” She groans, swiping a hand across her forehead.

“Well all my meetings for today were cancelled. If perhaps you’d like to go to my house for a shower and you could tell me what else you are?”

“If you’re agreeing to wash my back in the shower then yes.”

“As you wish.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> The downside of being a BCS major is sex. After learning about just how sex works and every single muscle and gland involved only to be faced with pictures of STD's in every single science class, you write it once in a blue moon. The only one I didn't see any was chemistry. 
> 
> I thought maybe I escaped here in Patho until my professor said "I have a gorgeous picture of herpes. It looks like a Christmas wreathe!" 
> 
> And the conversation about buttholes was something I overheard in a sex shop :P


End file.
